Botching the National Anthem. Mouthing the bits he remembers and smiling through the bits he does not.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders
The third and current White House Press Secretary. Knows next to nothing about what the president is doing and likes to say ‘I think the President made that very clear in his tweet’ and ‘I would refer you to outside council’.
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III
The Attorney General who Trump can’t get rid of. Recused from the Russia investigation. Has no qualms about separating children from parents and putting babies in cages in the name of discouraging asylum seekers and refugees.
Deputy Attorney General in charge of the Special Counsel investigation and all Russia matters since his boss is recused.
Personal attorney to the President. Regularly appears on TV and presents bizarre legal arguments in an attempt to diminish and undermine the investigation into his client.
Donald Trump’s former personal attorney and ‘fixer’. Responsible for keeping Donald Trump’s accusers silent. Pleaded guilty in August and is now a felon. Likely to cooperate with Special Counsel investigation.
TV-friendly attorney for Stormy Daniels and a pain in the ass of Michael Cohen and Donald Trump - both of whom he is currently seeking to depose under oath. He may run for President in 2020.
Pornographic actress, stripper, screenwriter, and director who alleges she had an affair with Donald Trump. She was subsequently paid off by Trump for her story/silence.
Eldest daughter to Donald Trump and is someone he would like to date if she were not his daughter. Quite complicit.
Donald Trump Jnr.
Eldest son of Donald Trump. In apparent legal peril over a meeting with Russians that took place in Trump Tower that was about adoption, then was about dirt on Hillary Clinton. He loves it.
The simplest of the Trump brothers. Likes to shoot big game.
The Vice President. Was struggling badly as Indiana Governor before Trump threw his career a lifeline. A Christian-conservative fundamentalist will not be in a room with another woman is his wife is not present. Made a name for himself as a major opponent of LGBT rights. Regrettably, will become President when Trump is impeached.
Imported from Slovenia after Donald met her working in New York not as an escort. Her parents recently gained American citizenship thanks to chain migration. Tends not to care too much.
Counselor to the President. Kellyanne appears regularly on TV to defend the President. Invented fun new terms such as ‘alternative facts’.
Billionaire United States Secretary of Education. Sees education activism and reform efforts as a means to "advance God's Kingdom". Ironically, not the smartest lady out there but inherited a lot of money so she’s done alright for herself.
White House Deputy Chief of Staff who is another Fox News hire. Hired by Trump despite his apparent involvement in the cover-up of sexual assaults by powerful men at the network.
Unofficial advisor to Donald Trump and passionate supporter of the President. Shared an attorney/fixer with Trump. One of only 3 clients on Michael Cohen’s books.
Wedding Crasher Trump
Will pose for wedding, bar mitzvah and funeral photographs as long as you are a fee-paying member of Mar-a-Lago.